That's Life

by Ted Hickman

Feb 2, 2005

City Hall Expansion?

So city hall needs to expand, who’d a thunk it? As a matter of fact Joe Anderson (the Mayor then) and I did when we were on the council together and approved building the one as it now stands. It was a more expensive cost of construction at the time and we caught some flack but we insisted because we knew our small town was doomed for the current growth expansion.

They city needs to make the new construction expandable too or they can just take over the high school when the new one’s built and then they can house all of the consultants the city hires to do the staff’s work…pretty good idea huh?

They can call it Dixon City Hallschool and move the school district staff into a couple of rooms and take the rest so every staff member and consultant can have their own homeroom. That would solve both groups’ space problems.

“But it wouldn’t be new, there’s no lockers and the inside employees would throw a hissy fit,” you say? That’s Ok at least it would give them something legitimate to gripe about and a lot of space to do it in. The other downside is that at the high school site the public would actually be able to see the staff and the staff would have to see the public. There would be no more, “let me check to see if he’s hiding under his desk Mr. Hickman.” It would be, “Hi Warren (or the HR director whoever and wherever he is) come on out from behind the coat rack so we can chat for a while.”

Am I smart or what? It’s a wonder the public ever let me not stay on the council. I guess they thought verbalizing this kind of logic for 12 years at city council meetings was a little much. The folks at city hall probably know (or at least think) I’m kidding.  I would have fit right in now days don’t you think? 

Bring and Old Bag  

San Francisco again takes center stage in the world spotlight reaffirming to all that California is a state filled with fruits and nuts. They are going to charge shoppers 17 cents (not 16 or 20…what about future inflation?) for grocery bags at the supermarket. They want you to bring your own old bag when you shop.

When I first heard a piece of this story on the radio I told my first wife Linda, she would have to accompany me when I go to the supermarket in San Francisco because they were requiring you to bring an old bag.

She said, “You have never shopped for anything in San Francisco except for garlic fries at the Giants game. If you shopped anywhere else down there you would probably wear rubber gloves, make fun of the clerks and get us banned from the store.” I don’t know where she gets this attitude you ‘d think after 30 or 40 years she would know me better…you know the kind, gentle, caring soul that I really am.

On the serious side you should see the stuff we see fishing in ours rivers, bays and ocean. Plastic wrappers and bags are deadly to fish and wildlife and we try to pick up all we see especially old fishing line, which is just an out and out killer. Sooo, their intentions are good at least in one area of life, kudos!

Subject: AGE, It Changes You!

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
     You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21 YESSSS!!!
     But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
     You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50. . And your dreams are gone. But wait! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
     So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, and REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing until you HIT Wednesday!
     You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN at 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
     And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

         HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1.Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh as often as you can, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. Too many people are just living and waiting to die.
7. Surround yourself with what you love. Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. (I really like that!)

# 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
# 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
# 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
# 7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
# 6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
# 5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
# 4 Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
# 3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
# 2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
# 1 Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer "That can't be my ball, it's too old," Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."