That's Life

by Ted Hickman

Feb 16, 2005

I feel sorry for them!

Just think, one day you’re all happy and stuff. You’ve got your own little hide-away, nobody bothers you and no one’s breathing down your neck all day. And then all of a sudden someone gets the bright idea to expand city hall and your future looks glum knowing you will be under the direct watchful eye of city manager “Warden” Salmons. Such is the trauma facing the city’s engineering department. They will again become part of the city staff when the city hall expansion is complete I guess. With this in line city engineer Ron Tribbett decides to retire. Who could blame him?

Speaking of the engineer’s department I still say this city has two (one is Warden) of the best in their fields. I’ve seen a lot come and go and retiring Mr. Tribbett is one of the best. I was on the council back when he was first hired. He worked for Dixon for many years, left and then came back. He is one of the only city employees actually involved in the community and has always supported things like Dixon’s Toys for Tots and doing things like serving as President of the Dixon Rotary Club. Sorry to see you go Ron. Good job.

It’s just a shame that no one in the city’s engineering department apparently either has the education or experience to apply for the job. This means the HR director (whoever and wherever he is) will have to recruit from outside current employees. I think we all would really like to see people (who have enough sense to get qualified) promoted from within.

Thus ends my Mikey the Acorn like comments for this week. Oops I forgot to ad the second city sponsored Magma (race track) meeting saw half as many people (about 100) in attendance last Monday at the fairgrounds. One guy read a scathing review of Magna’s business practices around the world citing all kinds of bad stuff with “facts and figures.” I asked where he got his information and he said, “the internet.” Another NIMBY spokesperson gave the old “the council needs to decide this by referendum” spiel. Basically it was the same old-same old stuff. The handful of naysayers did their thing and a handful of others did theirs while the majority just sat and listened.

Hear the rumors about the Vice mayor?

Did you hear the rumors about VICE mayor Gilbert Vega and Mayor Mary Ann Corville when they were on their racetrack sponsored all expense paid trip to Florida? Neither did I but there must be some. We’ll never know exactly what happened will we? Remember they refuse to take a member of the public or press with them on any of these trips. Why you ask? I don’t know.

I shouldn’t keep bashing them (yes I should) because they care enough about the press and the public to arrange for a day bus trip to the bay area to see two old racetracks which have absolutely nothing in common with what’s being proposed here. Wanna go? Call city hall and reserve a space on the bus. Maybe they’ll play bingo or something on the all expense paid, hour long trip, by bus, to the bay area. Hey it’s only the best for the rest of us!

How do you thank people like this? Words just escape me. Yeal right! I have the words (like “where the sun don’t shine” and I don’t mean San Francisco) I just can’t use them here.

 Just Simple Englilsh?

 If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers, reasons why the English language is so darn hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
 

2) The farm was used to produce produce.
 

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
 

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
 

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
 

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
 

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
 

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
 

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
 

10) I did not object to the object.
 

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
 

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
 

13) They were too close to the door to close it.
 

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
 

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
 

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
 

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
 

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
 

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
 

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
 

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
 

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!)
 

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
 

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
 

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
 

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose not one mieese?

If mice is the plural of mouse why isn’t hice the plural or house?
 

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
 

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
 

Have noses that run and feet that smell?
 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
 

People, not computers, invented English and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible.
 

P.S - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

THE TOP 15 COUNTRY   SONGS...

  15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

  14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. (My weekly favorite.)

  13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

  12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well.

  11. I'm Still Missing You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

  10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

  9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

  8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You’re Still Here.

  7. If I Had Shot You When I first Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now.

  6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.

  5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

  4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

  3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure.

  2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

And, the Number-One Favorite Country Song of 2004 is:

  1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Have Woke Up

  With A Few.

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