News | Community | Business | Sports | Health | Columns | Fun & Games | Classifieds | Shopping | Subscribe | Police & Fire | Archive | Staff | Home
by Ted Hickman
May 4, 2005
I am not a clod, Happy Birthday
I just want all of you lovely ladies to know I am not the clod I appear to be. Regular readers will remember a short time ago I surprised my first wife Linda with a Johnny Mathis concert that I promised her 30+ years ago. Four our 40th wedding anniversary we went to Hawaii for the first time.
Five months ago she heard the Broadway production of the Lion King was coming to Sacramento and casually said I, “I would really like to see that.” That night I got on line and made reservations for tonight.
Tonight, for her birthday we will go out to dinner and see the Lion King. Some of this stuff hopefully makes up for her putting with me all of these years. The last of the promises I have to keep was that of a cruise and we’ve set a date for that.
New roof, check; new carpet, check; Johnny, check; Hawaii, check; Rat Terrier, check; quit smoking, check; mellow out, check. Yep, that about does it! Happy birthday Baby!
I went to the Dixon Chamber of Commerce’s “mixer” last week held at Century 21 and catered by a restaurant from Vacaville. The majority of the city council was in attendance and some astute young lady said to me, “Watch them, they all look like bobble heads, you know the little dolls whose heads jiggle at the slightest touch or movement.” As I watched them talk to their constituencies and saw them nod their heads continually in agreement I had to stifle a laugh…she was right! We have a city council of bobble heads.
The man who wins bobble head of the year has to be Mike Smith, the front man for a labor union who claims: 1. He is not a politician. 2. He doesn’t know how much he is paid by the city because it “goes right into his 401K.” 3. He doesn’t want to publicly do anything controversial because the rest of the council will be mad at him. 4. He’s not a politician. 5. If the public wants to know anything they must go to his web site and try and find out what he thinks. He has written letters to the editor to Sacramento and Fairfield but not in Dixon and not on city council issues.
This guy was elected by default during a presidential election year on a back lash against incumbents. He will never get elected again because if he has to press the flesh or take a stand everyone will see what a weenie he is. He has no platform, will take no stand and doesn’t want to make anyone mad. He’s already a lame duck candidate who someone like Mikey will chew up and spit out at the next election. He was a one issue candidate and needs to resigns and give someone who cares about this city and it citizens a chance to have some input in our future. The only thing that could make me revise my opinion of this bobble head is if he would admit he was drunk and didn’t really realize was he was saying to the half-a-dozen people listening to our conservation.
What a golden opportunity for John Waterman, owner of the caffeine dispensing waterhole called Java California to start another business.
John, who is Dixon’s answer to P.T. Barnum, will take a chance and start business from scratch. John, listen up! If you have bobble heads made of the city council and give one out with each five cups of your mocha, latte, super speed, hot drinks it will be a great promotion. (Can you tell I don’t drink coffee?)
Here’s the public benefit. You can collect all five, set them up in a row, talk to them, start their heads moving and it will be just like being at a city council meeting.
Smith’s head will bob slower than the rest because he is not the brightest bulb on the tree. Vega’s may bob a little to the side because it has trouble deciding which way to nod. Ferrero’s will just bob side to side because he can’t believe what’s coming out of the mouths of other council members. Alexander’s will bob up and down all of the time because it makes him look like he really understands. Mayor Mary Ann’s will bob in all directions at once and will need special reinforcement to make sure it doesn’t blow completely off from the amount of garbage she has to put up with.
If it goes over well he can add others like one of Mikey with steam coming out of his ears, or the first ADA compliant wheelchair bobble head; the possibilities are endless. I might start drinking coffee just to obtain this collection.
Just in case you ever got the two mixed up.
This should make things a bit clearer.
IN PRISON…You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK.... you
spend the majority of your time in a
have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
My Personal Living Will, thanks KCM
I, ________ (fill in the
blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely
by artificial means.
How to fix the problem:
How Many Virgins?
After his death, Osama bin Laden went to the pearly gates. There he was greeted by George Washington, who proceeded to slap him across the face and yell at him, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"
Patrick Henry approached and punched Osama in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"
James Madison entered, kicked Osama in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!" Thomas Jefferson came in and proceeded to beat Osama many times with a long cane and said, "It was evil men like you that provided me the inspiration to pen the Declaration of Independence!"
These beatings and thrashings continued as John Rudolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the Muslim terrorist leader.
As Osama lay bleeding and writhing in unbearable pain an Angel appeared. Bin Laden said to the Angel, "This is not what you promised me!"
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven. What did you think I said?"
*Dixon's only locally owned hometown paper: Delivered by US mail to over
6500 homes every week!*
*Located at 529 North Adams Street Suite A Dixon Ca. 707-678-8917. Content © 2000-2005 D.I.V.*
This page last updated on 08/02/2009 10:35:51 PM
You are visitor since 2/10/2005